Is It My Good Looks?

302 e-mails. Three hundred and two!

I would love to say that my friends and family care about me so much that they feel the need to flood my inbox with adoring e-mails, but I'm afraid that is not the case. Every e-mail is from St. Whatever's University or Something- Something College. Schools I've never even heard of reminding me that the deadline to turn in applications is only a week away.

One question invades my mind on the verge of challenging my self-confidence, but really challenging the sanity of the world. Why, dear St. Whatever's and Something- Something, would you ever want me?

Well a sinister thought comes to mind. Could it be that they just want me for my money? I mean why else would places I've never even heard of come groveling at my feet? The tuition seems to support this theory. Does it not seem like I could save a significant amount of money by choosing to go to a different school or perhaps not going to school at all. The tuition is so high that at times, it seems as if the money I would make after getting a degree from any of these schools wouldn't even be enough to pay off the loans I would need. Sometimes it seems as if working hard to succeed in the fast food industry could be a better pay off than going to college. Though considering how much of a disaster I am at what seems like possibly one of the most mindless and simplest jobs in existence, perhaps, I should go to college.

Money can't be the answer though, because I kind of lack a lot of that. If I did choose to go to any of these school's I would need scholarships, loans, grants, the works! It must be something else. Perhaps my brains. Oh, my brains. Well, considering what I just said about my current job and how epically I fail at it, I think my brains are not what these zombies want. But a glance at my grades argues this fact. Not exactly zombie fine dining, but my brains could certainly provide a delicious treat to a nice zombie family. Maybe it's my brains.....Maybe.

Something feels off though. My lack of interest in anything this school says, my failure to acknowledge the countless e-mails they send, my referring to them as brain-eating, money hungry zombies. None of it seems to point to anything that this school could be interested in.

Then it hits me! Countless e-mails....but nothing in the mail. No brochures or pamphlets! What does this mean? Well, obviously, they need pictures. They need happy attractive students on campus so that they can look like the kind of school that any cool, fun-loving person looking for a good education would want to go to.

Alright St. Whatever's University and Something- Something College. I'll apply, but you better not reject me. You need my good looks. Trust me.