I didn't write a blog yesterday for a multitude of reasons. But before I list my excuses, I would like to say that no excuses are necessary, because I never actually said I was going to blog everyday. I only implied it, by stating I would record a list of things each day, which I didn't yesterday. The only reason I'm really doing this in the first place is because a teacher once told me that I should write every day and having just graduated, I feel like I should at least follow one of my teachers' advice.
Which brings me to excuse number one. Yesterday, I did write, but not on this blog. Instead, I wrote an advice column for super villains.
Here is a bit of that:
Ask Vikki
Your devious minds come up with the questions and my years of experience in the field of villainry give me the answers!
Dear Vikki,
Lately it seems like all my victims keep getting away. Right as I’m about to kill them, some hero leaps in and “saves the day”. I’d like to kill them sooner, but that would mean cutting out my dramatic speeches with impossible ultimatums that I ask my nemesis. No matter what I do, whether it be wrap every up and duck tape them to a pole and then proceed to divulge my plot upon them, or hanging two innocent loved ones of my nemesis over a vat of lava giving him an impossible choice of who to rescue, they always get away unscathed.
How can I keep my flair for the dramatic, but still, for once, kill my victims?
- The Not so Villainous Villain
Dear Villain,
This sounds like a classic case of overestimating those pesky heroes. Heroes, as we all know, are a bit unstable and thus, unpredictable. It’s impossible to tell what kind of crazy thing they’re going to try next. Just imagine if you stuck all the heroes in one room. They would tear everything to shreds like a bunch of rabid monkeys. They are instinctual, not logical, which is why your brilliant plans never quite go as planned.
If you want your plan to work, you need to act more like them. If you want someone dead, kill them as soon as they are in your grasp. If you have hostages and are giving your nemesis an ultimatum, give them only a couple of seconds to think and then possibly leap to rescue one of the hostages. Cut your speeches down to the bare minimum. You nemesis, most likely already knows why you’re doing what you’re doing and there’s no need to share much else. They don’t need to hear any of your brilliant ideas, miraculous discoveries or juicy dark secrets. Keep those things to yourself. Plus, it will annoy the hell out of those prissy pants heroes. They hate not knowing what’s going on.
One last tip, concentrate more on the kill than what leads up to it. I mean, kidnapping your hostage from a shopping mall in a helicopter and then flying to a deserted island is certainly dramatic, but it’s worth nothing if in the end you wind up doing nothing more than slitting their throat.
Love,
Vikki
Which brings me to excuse number one. Yesterday, I did write, but not on this blog. Instead, I wrote an advice column for super villains.
Here is a bit of that:
Ask Vikki
Your devious minds come up with the questions and my years of experience in the field of villainry give me the answers!
Dear Vikki,
Lately it seems like all my victims keep getting away. Right as I’m about to kill them, some hero leaps in and “saves the day”. I’d like to kill them sooner, but that would mean cutting out my dramatic speeches with impossible ultimatums that I ask my nemesis. No matter what I do, whether it be wrap every up and duck tape them to a pole and then proceed to divulge my plot upon them, or hanging two innocent loved ones of my nemesis over a vat of lava giving him an impossible choice of who to rescue, they always get away unscathed.
How can I keep my flair for the dramatic, but still, for once, kill my victims?
- The Not so Villainous Villain
Dear Villain,
This sounds like a classic case of overestimating those pesky heroes. Heroes, as we all know, are a bit unstable and thus, unpredictable. It’s impossible to tell what kind of crazy thing they’re going to try next. Just imagine if you stuck all the heroes in one room. They would tear everything to shreds like a bunch of rabid monkeys. They are instinctual, not logical, which is why your brilliant plans never quite go as planned.
If you want your plan to work, you need to act more like them. If you want someone dead, kill them as soon as they are in your grasp. If you have hostages and are giving your nemesis an ultimatum, give them only a couple of seconds to think and then possibly leap to rescue one of the hostages. Cut your speeches down to the bare minimum. You nemesis, most likely already knows why you’re doing what you’re doing and there’s no need to share much else. They don’t need to hear any of your brilliant ideas, miraculous discoveries or juicy dark secrets. Keep those things to yourself. Plus, it will annoy the hell out of those prissy pants heroes. They hate not knowing what’s going on.
One last tip, concentrate more on the kill than what leads up to it. I mean, kidnapping your hostage from a shopping mall in a helicopter and then flying to a deserted island is certainly dramatic, but it’s worth nothing if in the end you wind up doing nothing more than slitting their throat.
Love,
Vikki
So, moving on. Also, yesterday, I was a little bit tired. Like, I did not actually get dressed or leave the house until I had to go to work at 6:00. And then, when I got home, I may or may not have showered and instead wrote the superhero advice column and by the time I was done with that, I was really tired, so I went to sleep.
End of story. But I did make up for it now, so everything is fair.
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